Monday, November 12, 2007


If you have a kid who watches kid TV, you’ve probably seen the commercials for Floam. In the ads, Floam is fun, Floam is exciting, Floam inspires creativity, Floam ends global warming, our dependence on foreign oil and world hunger.

In reality, Floam is messy, Floam gets on the carpet and won’t come off, Floam is the bane of my existence.

Jonah got Floam a while back and we quickly found that, contrary to the pictures in the commercial, Floam does not come out of the container ready to use. Floam is a mixture of foam microbeads and some kind of slimy goo. When Floam sits, unused for 10 minutes or more, the goo settles on the bottom and the foam microbeads rise to the top. Each time you use Floam, you have to mix these two substances together. The goo is sticky and the little beads love taking up residence between your fingers.

When you play with Floam, just about the only thing you can do is stick it to other things. It won’t hold its shape. You can’t create Floam coil pots and ash trays. According to the commercial you can “Floam” your skateboard, your bike or a model dinosaur. Of course all these projects would require about $1,379 worth of Floam (about a cup of Floam is $6.99!)

Now for a confession: A couple of weeks ago I noticed the tub of Floam up in a corner of the cupboard (where I keep all my half used candles) and since it had been probably 4 months since Jonah had played with it, and since I had absolutely no desire for him to play with it again, and since I decided to assume that it was all dried out without even opening the lid to check, I threw it in the garbage.

Two days later (garbage man had already come and gone) Jonah asks me to get his Floam down. “It’s right up there on that top shelf,” he assures me.

“No it’s not.” I say.

“Yes it is…I know its right up there!” He’s so confident; my heart breaks just a little bit for him. I know what I have to do.

“Jonah, I threw the Floam away.”

Jonah’s eyes get big with disbelief and he looks like he’s just learned the truth about Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny all at the same time. (Not to mention the truth that his mom occasionally throws out his stuff.)

I can’t help myself. I open my mouth and this comes out: “I’ll get you more Floam. We can go to the store right now!”

So we have more Floam and I’m back to picking foam micro beads out of the carpet. Meanwhile, Jonah Floamed one of his Army guys. (See photo above)


claire said...

This is exactly why we only watch pbs. No commercials for stupid toys! On Saturday when only This Old House and Antiques Roadshow are on, my kids end up watching Qubo cartoons on NBC. Without fail Preston ends up telling me about all the great toys, let alone household cleaning supplies, that we should buy.

Marcio said...

Thanks for posting this. I got Floam for my daughter. When we opened it up it was so sticky and messy I thought we had gotten an old or bad batch. I guess not!

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