Sunday, May 29, 2016

An Open Letter To Your Bloody Foot

Dear Bloody Foot,

I'm so sorry you have been injured to the point that you now have blood coming out of you. Or maybe the blood has dried up and now it's just a scab. Or maybe it's a scab and a deformed ankle. Or bruising combined with elephantine swelling. Or, maybe you were horribly burned at a Tony Robbins leadership retreat featuring hot coals.*

I'm sorry. Whatever happened must have been horrible and traumatic. I cringe for you.

But please know, there is not one single scenario that should result in you posting a picture of yourself to social media. No, really. There isn't.

I know. You're thinking, I am spectacularly bloody and the bruising is epic. No one has ever seen a foot this messed up before.

Just stop.

No one wants to see you, bloody foot.

I wasn't going to say anything. Up until now I simply "hid" the picture or "unfollowed" the rest of the person attached to you. Problem solved. But what should clearly have been a one off has turned into a disturbing trend that I struggle to understand.

Bloody foot, why do you think that you, in all your gore, would be of interest to anyone other than a podiatrist, or that person who designs Band Aids for weird-shaped body parts? This is really the biggest mystery, almost more disturbing than the photo itself. Almost.

My only guess is that there is some hormone, specific to foot injuries, released when you are injured, making you believe that everyone is dying for a close up. They're really, really not.

So, bloody foot, I beg you, wait until you've healed and then post pictures of your recently pedicured toes digging into a sandy beach. Snap and post shots of you decked out in your latest shoe purchase. An artsy black and white of your tootsies popping out from under the sheets next to a loved-one's tootsies? Great!

But if you're bloody? Keep it to yourself.

*Updated 27 June 2016