Friday, January 7, 2011

Specially Dyed

I just bought a pair of jeans from Eddie Bauer. They fit like a dream and are nice and long. But I noticed a tag on the inside of the jeans when I was putting them on the other day. It said this:

Specially Dyed - We used a special dyeing process to achieve the beautiful coloring in this fabric. Please wash separately before wearing, and be careful around light-colored clothing and other surfaces as some color may rub off, especially when damp.

If I understand them correctly, their "special dyeing process" results in pants with color that doesn't really stay where it's supposed to stay and may ruin other clothes. This doesn't sound special. It sounds like they made a mistake and are just trying to cover it up by slapping a fancy word on it.

Meanwhile, the color of the jeans isn't anything to write home about. It's not more beautiful than any other color of jeans I looked at before selecting this pair from Eddie Bauer. It's denim for crying out loud. Why not just use the dyeing process that won't cause your skin, light clothes, or a random white sock in the washer to turn blue?

If Eddie Bauer can use the word "special" to cover up their poor dye job, why can't I use it?

How about this: I made this chicken using a special baking process. So if it seems a little dry, that is just a result of the specialness of the process. Isn't it a lovely golden brown?" (I think this was the same technique used to explain the very first Blackened Red Fish.)

Ethan could use this technique too: My bed was made this morning using a special bed making process. The bed may look unmade to you, but without the special bed making process, I wouldn't have been able to attain this natural, beautiful look. To avoid any shock from the sight of my bed, you may want to close the door to my room.

Here's what Intel would say: Our employees are involved in a special work process. You may notice that  your husband/father comes home after the family is asleep and leave before the family is awake. Or you may not notice him at all. We recommend keeping a current picture of him somewhere in the house so the kids don't forget what he looks like.

I'm sure there are plenty of other applications for the "special process."

Words can change everything.


Samurai Mom said...

I think you should send this to Eddie Bauer

I-Shüan Warr said...

Thanks for enlightening me! This special word will come in handy. But I'm going to have to make a rule in my family that only I can use it. I don't want any "special process bed-making"!

a said...

We have to make our beds? When did this start?

Angela Hunter said...

Did your legs turn blue after wearing the jeans?

Natalie said...

First of all, thanks again for providing some hee-hee's and ha-ha's. Second, I recently bought a pair of jeans with that same "special" label, only mine were from Dress Barn. They DID rub off a bit on my undergarments, but no permament coloring took place and, after a few washes, they're fine. So...enjoy the "beautiful"-ish color. Jeans that fit are a precious comodity.

Afton said...

Everything I have is still the correct color.

Sheri said...

I know this post is several years old, but I found it when I was looking up Eddie Bauer "specially dyed" jeans. I found a pair on eBay and didn't know what the heck it meant. Anyway, haha! Your post is hilarious.

Sheri =)

Afton said...

Thanks Sherri!