Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Dear Quaker Oatmeal People

This week is the 3rd grade Wax Museum. Each student chooses a historical or famous person to learn about. They write a one paragraph biography, memorize it, dress up as their person, and on the big day, they stand quietly around the room like wax statues waiting for parents to activate their memorized speech. This is usually done by stepping on a paper dot on the floor that the kids have colored and labeled with "step here."

Jonah is Abraham Lincoln. In my memory, the mandatory item for Abe Lincoln's costume is the Quaker Oatmeal container hat. I seem to remember oatmeal containers being the perfect size for the Abe Lincoln hat transformation. But apparently, the container has shrunk, or my memories have super-sized. Either way, wearing the stovepipe hat requires a precarious balancing act whose difficulty is only marginally reduced with the help of ribbons to tie under the chin.

Quaker Oatmeal, is it too much to ask that your oatmeal containers be the size of 3rd grade heads? I believe this change could be a win/win situation.

Think of the increase in sales around President's Day alone! Every elementary school class in the nation would probably request parents to save their oatmeal containers to send in for special President's Day craft projects. Sales would skyrocket.

You could even include directions on the back of the container for how to make not just the Abe Lincoln hat, but a magician's hat, a straw boater and much more. Get Martha Stewart on this and I'm sure she'd come up with 30 winning ideas before lunch. Quaker Oatmeal could be as synonymous with hat crafts for 3rd graders as Rice Crispies is with Rice Crispy Treats for lunchboxes.

And Quaker Oatmeal people, if you are reading this and like my idea and decide to make your change, could I ask one more thing? Just give me a little heads-up so I can go out and buy Quaker Oatmeal stock. Or you could just send me a nice big check for my idea.

You're welcome.

I took Natalie's suggestion and have notified Quaker of my great idea.

*Update 2* (In which I stop holding my breath for that big check)

Thanks for thinking to use our containers for your son’s school play costume. We appreciate your suggestion; however, we're not able to accept any ideas for legal reasons.

We appreciate you choosing Quaker Oats, Afton. Good luck with your future craft projects.

Quaker Consumer Relations
A Division of PepsiCo
Ref# 027408567A


Angela Hunter said...

I totally have big containers of quaker oatmeal. Maybe your store just stocks the little ones. We have both sizes. My big one would definitely fit a kids head.

Natalie said...

This really should be sent to the "Quaker Oatmeal People". I'm envisioning an award-winning TV commercial featuring your thoughts.

Senia said...

This is a good look for him.

(I googled the beard to try to figure out what it's called... Apparently, it's the Abe Lincoln Beard.)

Angela Taylor said...

You're so funny! I'd be wiling to be that "hat" wouldn't even fit Hudson. My poor kids have huge heads, I suppose they are destined never to be Abe Lincoln.

Anna said...

I contacted the Quaker Oats people once to see if any actual Quakers ever complained about using their religion as a brand name - you know, Catholic Oats, that would be weird. THey didn't really answer my question, but instead told me the virtues of the historical Quaker and how they tried to implement them into their business. I decided on my own that maybe Quakers don't complain because 1)there aren't any left or 2) it's the only publicity they ever get.

a said...

The Quaker religion is alive and well. And I am proud to say their university is a wonderful place to send you kids for not only a safe and non denominational christian college experience, but you get a really good education. Check it out; George Fox University!
proud alumni since 1989 (man I am getting old)