How to be a Boy: Garbage Day

Three neighbors are out of town and our family was asked to take their garbage out in their absence. So last night, I pulled many garbage and yard waste recycling bins down to the curb. I did not, however, take out our family’s garbage and yard waste recycling bins. That's Ethan’s job.

It’s not a hard job, but evidently it is tedious and highly inconvenient because Ethan usually waits until the very last possible minute of the day to take the garbage to the curb. Sometimes he’s already wearing his pajamas and slippers when he embarks on this weekly task.

Last week when Ethan took the garbage out, the neighborhood was treated to a sneak peek at the contents of my bathroom wastebasket. Nothing like having a slew of embarrassing personal items scattered in the street. Right in front of our house.

And when I say embarrassing, I am talking about things like waxy, yellow Q-tips, strings of used dental floss, a large wad of hair pulled from my hair brush, those little plastic disposable razor covers, conspicuous, “feminine” pastel packaging, and several little toilet paper wrapped, “bundles.” Right in front of our house.

How could this possibly happen?

I’d asked Ethan to empty the 2 upstairs bathroom wastebaskets before taking the garbage bin to the curb, but he’d forgotten. Not wanting to let him out of the chore, I told him to dump the bathroom trash into a plastic bag, then bring it out to the garbage bin already on the curb.

Evidently these instructions were too confusing, too difficult, or completely ignored because Ethan ended up hand carrying the two bathroom wastebaskets out to the curb, trailing used Q-tips and dental floss through out the house (because the wastebaskets were really full and it’s just hard to carry two at a time AND hold your nose from the offensive odor AND try and open the front door at the same time.)

Once he'd made it to the curb, he opened the lid of the garbage bin. Whether or not he noticed that it was already full to the top is still unclear. What is clear, however, is that he took the first wastebasket (mine) and up-ended it over the garbage bin. To be fair, about 10% of the bathroom wastebasket contents did actually make it into the garbage bin. The rest, of course: Right in front of our house.

This week I made sure those bathroom wastebaskets were emptied, the contents tied up in a plastic bag, and securely sequestered somewhere in the middle of the garbage bin before Ethan took the garbage out.

Lesson learned.