Wednesday, December 1, 2010

How to Be A Boy: Waiting in Line

Standing in line goes against two very important boy laws:

Law #1 - Thou shalt not hold still
Law #2 - Thou shalt not have order

Thankfully, there are a few ways to get around violating these boy laws when you are forced to stand in a line.

First of all, make sure you are standing in line for a good reason. Waiting to get prizes with your Chuck E. Cheese tickets, or waiting for your mom to buy you some ice cream, or waiting to ride the Looping Thunder roller coaster are all good reasons to be in a line. A check-out line at the grocery store, a line to check in a the doctor's office, or a line to get into a museum are all bad lines. Avoid these lines if you can.

If you must stand in a line, don't hold still. Move constantly. Hop on one foot, and then the other. See how long you can stand on one foot without falling over. Fall over into the stranger standing next to you. Fall over again, just for the fun of it. If the floor is dirty, see if you can spend as much time as possible on it.

If you have a brother with you in line, you are in luck. Try and lift your brother, even if he is 20 pounds heavier than you. Then have him lift you. Try giving each other piggy back rides. Bump into strangers standing next to you. Give your brother a noogie. He will try and give you a noogie. Try and give your brother a Wet Willy. He will jump back, right into the stranger standing next to you. Tackle your brother to the floor to give him a Wet Willy.

If you are unlucky enough to have your mother in line with you, she may try to separate the both of you by standing in between you. This will never work. Just reach around your mother to try and hit your brother. Pay no attention to the looks you are getting from strangers, or the exasperated look on your mother's face.

And when you ask your mother to take you to Target, or Oaks Park, or Burger King, or any place that has a line, act surprised when she flatly refuses.


poorlocavore said...

Or, not actually get into the line, but hover around it; or, get into the front, thinking it's the back; yes, good times.

a said...

OH MY WORD!! What line were you in? And thank you boys, I love these!