Friday, January 4, 2008

Missing Gene

I realize this is going to be a huge cop out, like when someone says, "I can't help it," or "it's the kids fault," or "it's just the way I am." Listen up! We all find a way to do the things that are important to us no matter what kind of outside influences come into play, so with that in mind, rather than saying, "I just don't have the card-writing gene," I will say this:

"I just don't have the gene that assigns proper importance and/or urgency to writing and sending cards."

It's completely true and while I realize there is probably a 12 step program out there to help me overcome this genetic disability, I also seem to be missing the gene that makes me feel that a 12 step card writing program would be a good thing to be a part of.

Of course I apologize to all who have to wait by as special events come and go without a glittery Hallmark with my name on it showing up in the mail. I know there are many of you (your names and special occasions are currently haunting me like irritated little ghosts) and I realize that my excuse, even in its reworded form is still lame.

This is how the card writing process goes for me.

If you are lucky, I think of your event a few weeks before it occurs. I realize at this point that I have plenty of time to craft the perfect greeting on a card, find your address, find a stamp, and put it in the mail box. At this point I also realize that I should probably write the event on the calendar as a reminder. I'll be honest and tell you that the calendar reminder usually gets written about 30% of the time.

Yes, I know. I could spend 5 minutes and write out all the special events on the calendar at the BEGINNING of the year. Please don't ask me why I don't do this. That would cause me to have to admit something, 12-step style.

Moving on. Two days before your special event I tell myself, "Oh! Today is the day to write and send the card. (I know what you're thinking and I actually do have cards. I bought a huge box of all-occasion cards at Costco a year ago, thank you very much, and I still have plenty left!) I tell myself that I will get right down to business with the card writing right after I have my raisin bran and quickly change over the laundry...oh, and make my bed too. And the kids beds while I'm at it. And isn't it about time I took a shower? Once in the shower, the hot water pretty much resets my brain and I've completely forgotten about your special event and the thoughtful card that would go with it.

One day before your special event, I look at the calendar and realize that, Holy Cow! I was supposed to write that card yesterday. I realize that now there is absolutely no way the card will get to you on time. I realize that there is hardly any reason for me to embarrass myself by sending a late card, but...BUT...a little voice in my brain reminds me that it's the thought that counts and a card that is one day late will still be appreciated. So, I tell myself there is absolutely no way I'm going to forget to write that card today for crying out loud!

The day of your special event, there is much sorrow and self-loathing as I realize that yet again, I have not written a card. How hard can it be to write a card, I ask myself. I didn't do the card, but I can call! Yes, that is it! I will call. A phone call will be MUCH better than a card, maybe. I just have to find your phone number, after I have my raisin bran...

So you see, my card writing method clearly has some major weaknesses. I know that some of you out there are fabulous card writers. I know because I always receive your cards on my special occasions. Your on-time and even early cards sometimes remind me of my glaring deficiencies in the card writing department, but I try and push those feelings aside to enjoy the mirth with which I'm sure your card was intended.

Now, if you've made it this far into my jibber jabber, I will fill you in on my latest missed special occasion, and it's a big one. My Grandma and Grandpa McDonald are celebrating their 70th anniversary today. 70th!! That's a very special occasion. Evidently it's also my Grandma Atwood's 94th birthday. Now I'm getting information in that it's also Grandpa McDonald's 92nd birthday. It's the TRIFECTA! I've officially become the world's worst card sender AND granddaughter in one fell swoop.

I give everyone permission to not send me cards for a year as punishment. I'm serious...don't send me cards.


Catherine said...

Oh geez. I didn't even consider sending a card. I've always hated card sending. The gene must be transmitted on the McDonald side.

megan said...

If I don't send you a card, then there is no point in my new year's you're getting a card whether you like it or not! HE HE HE

Angela Hunter said...

It is also VERY hard for me to send cards but I decided a few years ago that I was going to really try to do it. So I would sit down at the beginning of the month-go through all the b-days for that month and write in their cards. I would get them all ready to go and put a date where the stamp would go so I would know when to mail them. As the year goes on, I get worse and worse at this, but I don't ever just stop altogether. I keep trying to do it. It's a gene that I'm missing too, but I just try really really hard to be better at it.

lisa said...

thank you for writing this I am also missing this gene!! is a nice free calendar that easily lets you make events recurr every year. It will even send you an email reminding you of an upcoming birthday..