Wednesday, February 4, 2009

The "K" Files

Paranormal Kid Phenomena I have noticed over the last 48 hours.

Sleep Walk Peeing
Kid gets up to pee in the middle of the night, but instead of using the toilet, he uses the kitchen sink, a bathroom wastebasket or the carpet in the middle of his bedroom. Kid has no recollection of sleep walk peeing in the morning.

School Bus Miracle Cure
Kid is sick. Moans, groans, keeps parents up most of the night. Can not possibly go to school. Condition seems to dramatically improve once the morning school bus comes and goes.

Sleep Anomaly
Kid stays up all night coughing, moaning, groaning. All signs for daytime exhaustion are present yet kid exhibits no need for sleep during the day. Situation exacerbated by sleep deprived parents who stayed up all night listening to said moaning and groaning and who begin to exhibit zombie-like qualities.

Not Me
A being, invisible to parents, who leaves every light on in the house, eats Saltines like a rabid squirrel on the living room furniture and spills lemonade on the kitchen floor and doesn't wipe it up. Only kids are witness to Not Me's heinous crimes and seem happy to rat him out to their parents.

Taste Seer
A peculiar quality possessed by most kids which gives them the psychic ability to know whether they will like a food without even tasting it.

Call Scully and Mulder. I will not rest until I discover the truth behind these paranormal kid phenomena.

Well, I'll start after a nap.

The truth is out there!

7 comments:

Samurai Mom said...

My brother did that in the refrigerator.

Afton said...

It's always boys, isn't it.

Jeanne said...

You have talent writing...I love it.

Now I'm going to have to go back and read your whole blog...I'll make some popcorn one afternoon and enjoy myself. ;)

Erika and Ryan said...

Yes, what is it with the boys? They're the ones I'm always rolling my eyes at, not the girls. They're my trouble makers, not the girls. I don't envy you with your 3but you seem to deal with things very well. I love the "rabid squirrel"...perfect description! This post had me laughing so hard, as most of yours do.

Our Family said...

"Not me" spends a lot of time at our house, too, Afton. Erika, just wait until your girls are 14. You'll be rolling your eyes plenty then!

P.S. I requested Airborn at the library yesterday! Yes!

Debbie said...

This made me laugh so hard!!! Since I don't have kids it's much easier for me to know who did it. However, he still doesn't admit it!! He either says the cats did it or he said it was a monkey. Is this mysterious "monkey" a grown mans version of "not me"? Is it actually possible that we have a michevious monkey that I have never seen (even though I'm home much more than him) and it followed us from Oregon to Singapore???

beadiemom said...

In our house, we call "not me" Bob. He watches television in rooms with no one else in them, makes messes, leaves trash around, etc. You will sometimes hear me holler, "Duncan, Bob is in your room watching TV. Time to kick him out!" LOL