I woke up suddenly this morning at 12:34 am. I'm not sure why I woke up but I didn't have two seconds to ponder that question because Robert started talking in his sleep.
"This is a weird, weird . . . "
Oh, this is going to be good, I thought. I couldn't wait for him to finish his sentence.
". . . weird . . ."
A weird what!
". . . costume." And then he finished with the profound, "Inside a costume."
Was he in a costume? Was the costume in a costume? Why was the costume so weird?
Regardless of the unknowns, there was no doubt I'd just heard the world's funniest sleep-talking ever. I would have laughed if I hadn't been so tired. I thought of that British woman who started taping her mild-mannered husband's nightly sleep-talking rants and made big bucks creating her own website and t-shirts featuring his nocturnal utterances. Maybe I could do something like that?
I knew one thing for sure. I had to write this down so I'd remember it in the morning. I rummaged around in my nightstand for a pen and found a notebook and started writing in the dark. However, the dry scratch sounded suspiciously like a pen out of ink. I rummaged some more, repeating the costume monologue in my head so I wouldn't forget.
I found another pen and wrote, hoping the pen was working. I even underlined the 'd' in weird to identify the weird emphasis Robert had given to that letter each time he's said "weird."
Then I tried to get back to sleep. But my mind was running with the possibilities: should I get up and post this immediately on Facebook? How would I phrase it? How long would it take for my computer to start up and actually log into Facebook? Could I do this and still get back to sleep later?
Luckily, before I could act, I fell asleep.
I woke up around 7 am, feeling a giddy anticipation about something.
Of course! The funny sleep-talking!
I grabbed my notepad and read what I'd written. The pen had failed at one point, but I'd pressed so hard into the paper I could clearly see the words written in the dark of night. I read.
"This is a weird, weird, weird costume. Inside a costume."
Not as funny at 7:04 am as it was at 12:34 am.
Good thing I didn't post it on Facebook.