Not Cute

I love animals. Just not in my house. I don't mind animals in your house, as long as they are not sniffing me in really embarrassing places and don't leave my clothes covered in fur. Oh, and it would be great if they don't chew up my shoes that you asked me to leave by the front door.

Cute animal videos also don't hold my interest. If you've seen one sleeping kitten, you've seen them all. But cute animal videos apparently have a wide audience because there is no way to be on the Internet without being invited to watch one.

I always pass, thank you very much.

But today I clicked. The picture on Yahoo News showed a box of sleeping kittens and said something even more cute was underneath them. My interest was piqued. The link took me to a Purina website loaded with links to cute animal videos. It wasn't too late to get out, but I stayed. I had to know what was under the pile of sleeping kittens.

But the video didn't work.

I was a little offended. After all, I never click on these lame time-wasters and now I clicked. And Purina wouldn't show me the video. How dare you Purina! Offending me apparently wasn't enough. Now they had to humiliate me by making me refresh the page three times to try and get that cute animal video. And still, nothing.

I'm so mad at cute animals.

And I hate balloons too.

And Christmas is annoying.

And don't get me started on "The Royals."

If I haven't offended everyone yet, can someone tell me what was under that pile of sleeping kittens?