Specially Dyed

I just bought a pair of jeans from Eddie Bauer. They fit like a dream and are nice and long. But I noticed a tag on the inside of the jeans when I was putting them on the other day. It said this:

Specially Dyed - We used a special dyeing process to achieve the beautiful coloring in this fabric. Please wash separately before wearing, and be careful around light-colored clothing and other surfaces as some color may rub off, especially when damp.

If I understand them correctly, their "special dyeing process" results in pants with color that doesn't really stay where it's supposed to stay and may ruin other clothes. This doesn't sound special. It sounds like they made a mistake and are just trying to cover it up by slapping a fancy word on it.

Meanwhile, the color of the jeans isn't anything to write home about. It's not more beautiful than any other color of jeans I looked at before selecting this pair from Eddie Bauer. It's denim for crying out loud. Why not just use the dyeing process that won't cause your skin, light clothes, or a random white sock in the washer to turn blue?

If Eddie Bauer can use the word "special" to cover up their poor dye job, why can't I use it?

How about this: I made this chicken using a special baking process. So if it seems a little dry, that is just a result of the specialness of the process. Isn't it a lovely golden brown?" (I think this was the same technique used to explain the very first Blackened Red Fish.)

Ethan could use this technique too: My bed was made this morning using a special bed making process. The bed may look unmade to you, but without the special bed making process, I wouldn't have been able to attain this natural, beautiful look. To avoid any shock from the sight of my bed, you may want to close the door to my room.

Here's what Intel would say: Our employees are involved in a special work process. You may notice that  your husband/father comes home after the family is asleep and leave before the family is awake. Or you may not notice him at all. We recommend keeping a current picture of him somewhere in the house so the kids don't forget what he looks like.

I'm sure there are plenty of other applications for the "special process."

Words can change everything.

The Jell-o Project: A Present From Tokyo

You know who I really miss? My friend Debbie who moved to Singapore like 2 and a half years ago. And the bummer is Singapore totally suits her and her husband, who have spent their time very wisely, traveling to some of the most amazing and beautiful spots on the planet. So she is going to be in Asia a while longer. Being awesome and letting me live vicariously through her.

It's easier to live vicariously, though, if one's blog is updated more regularly, hint, hint.

Anyway, Debbie came to visit me today, which I totally appreciated since I'm sure she has many people to visit while she is here. And she came to my house, even though I would have driven to see her somewhere. But I won't lie, it was nice to be able to have her come to me. And she brought me a present! These beautiful Jell-o molds. I love them.

I'd been commenting to someone earlier that I think I took more pictures of Jell-o in 2010 than I did of my own children. Don't accuse me of exaggeration because that would force me to count, and then I'd realize it was true, and have all kinds of guilt issues.

But I don't feel guilty now. I want to start looking for the perfect Jell-o to make in these molds. I know I'll love taking pictures of Jell-o from these molds!

Stuff I Learned from Having Boys: YouTube

My kids have been an education. I've learned many of the regular things you'd expect a mom of 3 boys to learn: always keep plenty of baking soda and vinegar in the house, make sure you check behind the bed for dirty underwear on laundry day, and anything can be turned into a weapon.

I've also learned a few lessons I never could have predicted. For example, there are kids who make videos while they open packages of Pokemon cards and then post those videos to YouTube. I guess the real shocker isn't so much that people make these videos, but that other people actually watch them. 

Here are a few YouTube video series I never would have heard about if it were not for my boys.

Will It Blend - Nerdy blender scientist blends all kinds of cool stuff in his pricey Blendtec blender. Stuff like an iPhone 3G, glow sticks, golf balls, a crowbar, a Wii remote--you know, stuff you really need to reduce to dust. My favorite episode is the Old Spice episode, but you really need to watch some of the other ones to understand the humor before you enjoy a bottle of Old Spice being blended. There is one thing that won't blend, however.

Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This? - In the same vein as "Will it Blend," but with young men in their 20's who either have a very forgiving mother, or who are totally destroying their frat house basement*. This show has been banned in our house because the teens use PG13 language while they hide behind a tinfoil door and watch what happens when they microwave Nerf guns, paint balls, fire crackers and more.

Fred - If you haven't seen "Hey, It's Fred," count yourself lucky. Some fourteen year old boy has created what might possibly be the most annoying character in the history of characters. Fred Figglehorn is a 6 year old boy with a helium balloon voice and a raging case of ADHD (emphasis on the H). The videos are fairly benign, until your 8 year old begins to talk like Fred. Then you have problems. Here's Fred getting a haircut. Word on the street is that Fred is getting his own movie. (Scholars of The Bible will surely recognize this as one of the signs of the apocalypse.)

The Annoying Orange - The biggest thing Annoying Orange has going for it is that it's not Fred. If Fred and the Annoying Orange ever got together it's possible the result would be an effective form of torture.

KipKay Hacks - This guy tells how to take regular stuff around the house, take it apart and put it back together to do something completely different. Make the world's loudest alarm clock, a high powered t-shirt launcher or learn how to build a laser guided sling shot.

There is one series of videos Ethan likes made by a boy who reviews different electronic gadgets with his cat puppet sidekick. They have amazing repartee.  

However, I think I've reached my limit for boy videos tonight. Jonah is still channeling Fred and I have a bit of a headache.

*I've recently learned that the microwave testing is all done outside. You can learn more by checking out the comment I received from Jonny Paula in the comments section. 

One Mom's Tip: Laundry

Each Monday night every laundry basket in my house is empty, the washer is empty, the dryer is empty and every item of clothing or linen is folded and put away.

Does this sound impossible? Do you think I'm lying? I'm not. I've found the secret to doing laundry and I'm going to share it with you. Here it is: fold everything right when it comes out of the dryer.

OK, that's not the only part of my secret, but it's a big part. Don't let the clean clothes turn into Mt. Laundry because then weird mental things start happening. Even though it doesn't take all that much time to fold everything, the task seems overwhelming.

First you need to have a paradigm shift about laundry. Folding clothes does not take very much time and you need to prove it to yourself. Next time you're switching loads, time yourself on how long it takes to fold everything. Stand right at the dryer and fold things as you pull them out, or if you have another load to dry, pull the dry clothes into a basket and just fold while you stand there. Just once. Just to see. If it takes more than 5 minutes to fold everything, you are doing it wrong.

Here's how I reach my laundry nirvana every Monday night.

1. Monday is my cleaning day, so I usually spend the day cleaning anyway. It's best to have a big block of time dedicated to laundry if you want to get it done all at once. Laundry is in progress while I knock off other cleaning tasks. I find it to be an efficient use of my time.

2. Get things going the night before your cleaning/laundry day if you have lots of sheets and towels to wash, but keep it moving. One load after another after another.

3. Every time a load comes out of the dryer, fold it. You can then put things away, or wait for the stacks to get bigger before taking them to individual bedrooms. Just get things folded.

4. Save socks for last. Don't waste time searching for socks in a big pile of laundry. Get rid of the pile and then deal with the socks that are left over.

5. Put all folded clothes away. Either have your kids do it or you do it, but JUST DO IT.

Take control of your laundry and I will see you in Laundry Nirvana!

One Mom's Tip: School Lunches

Here's my favorite time saving tip for making school lunches:

I make multiple sandwiches at once and store them in the freezer. I have 3 kids so I make 2 loaves worth of sandwiches at a time. I spread a little PB on each slice of bread.

Then drop a little blob of jam on every other slice.

Put the sandwiches together and cut off the crusts with a sandwich cutter. This is the Cut n Seal from Pampered Chef but you may be able to find something similar from other retailers.

Save the crusts to feed to the ducks until you find out that bread crusts are actually bad for the ducks, then make them into bread crumbs or stuffing, or croutons. or just throw them in the trash and try not to think of the starving children in Africa.

Put your sandwiches in little plastic bags and place them on a cookie sheet to freeze so they will keep their shape. Once the sandwiches are frozen you can store them in a big zip lock bag in the freezer. Every morning, simply grab sandwiches from your stash to put your kid's lunches together. By lunchtime, the sandwiches will be defrosted and ready for eating.

I also use this bag-and-freeze technique for cookies or muffins for a fabulous school-lunch-making time saver.

The Fourteenth Day of Christmas Break

This morning, right before I woke up at 6:45 to get ready for church, I had this dream:


I was visiting a private Christian K-12 school with the particular intention of talking to someone about their policy of not checking out books about the Bible (in this case, Noah and the Ark) to Mormons. Their explanation was that Mormons were not Christians and therefore would not be allowed to check out books about the Bible. I arrived at the school and found a quiet place to sit down and work on my laptop while I waited to speak with someone in charge. I had to go to the bathroom and since there happened to be one in the corner of the room, and since I was the only one in the room, and since I knew I could go quickly, I decided to leave my laptop where it was and go. 


When I came out, I saw an androgynous sort of girl in a wheelchair waiting for the bathroom. I apologized for taking so much time (I was having a hard time getting my new size 8 jeans to button up, which is TOTALLY not the case in real life, yay!) and she said it was OK. I finished and when I returned to the spot where I'd left the computer, it was gone.  


I was infuriated! My computer had been stolen at a private Christian school in the few seconds I was in the bathroom. CHRISTIANS! How could they! They wouldn't even let me check out a book about Noah from their library on their high-faulting moral grounds and then one of them stole my beloved laptop. Who wasn't acting like a Christian now? (Soon to be me.)


I found a nice girl who said she'd take me from room to room to see if we could find out where my computer went. She did, but it was a joke. We were going to the kindergarten room and the 1st grade room. I knew they didn't take my laptop. I told her I'd seen a girl in a wheelchair and she got a look on her face like she knew just who I was talking about. She told me to wait in the hall and went into a room.


She was there for a long time and after a while I went in. There was a chubby boy who I then realized had been pretending to be the girl in a wheelchair earlier. "Give me my laptop." I demanded.  


"OK, alright, I've got it here somewhere." He said, and started looking for it around the room.


"Get it for me now!" I said. He was stalling, but why? I knew he had it.


"OK," he said again and started to circle the room around a big main table in the center. He reached down into one of the many backpacks and shoulder bags laying around and pulled out 2 small cards. I knew he was trying to distract me and appease me with something else and suddenly I knew what it was!


"If that is a coupon for a free smoothie at Jamba Juice," I said, "I'm going to punch you in the face! Give me my computer!" Chubby froze, then slowly lowered his hand, and the cards, back into the bag, hiding the cards from my sight. No sudden movements. "Give me my laptop! Give it to me now!" I said.


And then I woke up.

The Thirteenth Day of Christmas Break

The good news is I don't have to labor all day preparing a turkey dinner.

The bad news is we had to throw the turkey out. The turkey did not stay cold enough overnight while it was in the brine in my big canning pot in the garage. This morning the turkey was 48 degrees. Too warm to be safe according to our Internet research. So the turkey now resides in the garbage. So sad. But at least we know we will all live through the night, right?

More bad news: Ethan's birthday present, the Eye Clops Mini Projector has broken after less than 2 hours of use. That was enough to put him into a mild depression, but this morning, his new BB gun also appears to be faulty. He paid about $50 for it, so it clearly wasn't the best weapon his money could buy, and it was his money.

While we are on the subject (and Ethan is on the subject a lot this morning), the iPod dock that he won a couple months ago from selling cookie dough for the school fundraiser has broken. The HD digital video camera he bought on Black Friday, that he got up at 3am to stand in line for, was defective and had to be returned the same day. And furthermore, everything he has will one day break. Everything breaks and it's not fair.

My new year's resolution this year is to only type one space in between sentences. It's a hard thing for me as my middle school and high school teachers drilled the two-space thing into my head and fingers for years and it's something I don't even think about until after I've done it. (I just did it again and had to backspace!)

My other resolution is to write more. I want to set a time goal but I'm afraid. I will have to think about it a bit more, but I think I could do a graduated time goal so that by the end of the year I'm writing more and more each day.

Happy 2011!

*Update*
Robert and I saw The Tourist tonight with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. Wore my Frosty Forest parka. Only had to take one call from the babysitter about misbehaving kids. A fun movie.