Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Lexus Drives the Road to Apathy

I have many skills. My un-official “authors bio” states I can unclog a toilet with a single plunge. I can also put a well-balanced lunch on the table for my 3 boys in under 5 minutes flat and I can clean their bathroom from top to bottom in around 7 minutes. If you’ve followed some of the posts on my blog, you may also be aware of my stellar efforts with vomit.

But one of the skills I am most proud of is my ability to parallel park. There is a joy that comes from pulling into a tight space with just 3 nimble moves of my car, back, forward and back. When I open the door and find that I’m a perfect 2 or 3 inches from the curb, I realize that I am indeed something special.

So, today when I saw the latest ad for the Lexus that can parallel park itself, there was a part of me that wondered just what this world was coming to. Isn’t the American Spirit all about accepting a challenge and doing the impossible? What could be more challenging and sometimes impossible than parallel parking? Letting your car parallel park for you will rob you of the sense of self-worth and joy you can feel from doing the job yourself!

The parallel parking Lexus is just the thing that will put our country on the slippery slope of slothfulness and malaise. Come on people! Make a statement and parallel park your cars manually. Don’t let the Lexus people trap us with this decadent superfluousness. Just think of where this evil extravagance could lead us:

? Escalators and moving walkways on our most popular hiking trails so we don’t have to exert our selves by putting one foot in front of the other.

? Rubik’s Cubes that solve themselves.

? Self-cleaning cars that absorb empty juice boxes and smashed goldfish crackers into the floor after 6 minutes.

Clearly, the parallel parking Lexus will lead to a lazy and apathetic society. Just my opinion.


Angela Hunter said...

I agree that parallel parking brings such a wonderful satisfaction, but I think we get that from growing up in a place where it was required to occaisionally parallel park. Most people I know are unable to parallel park because they grew up in smaller towns where street parking wasn't needed. I think the skill to parallel park is almost completely lost. In fact, when I took my driver's test with the DMV it wasn't even required for me to do. The only reason I can do it is due to my frequent visits to Alameda to visit Andrew's family. It is a shame that a skill (and it is totally a skill) is being handed over to a computer. Maybe this is what people thought when the calculator came out.

Afton said...

Ooh, good point! And I could NOT live with out a calculator.

Shannah said...

"....? Self-cleaning cars that absorb empty juice boxes and smashed goldfish crackers into the floor after 6 minutes."

Ummmm where can I get that?????