Please Ignore the Carpet

Why is it that I can spend the whole day cleaning, folding, vacuuming and putting away then leave for one hour and come home to a house in disarray? This is what happened last night, but I can't say that anyone was really at fault. Unfortunately, Isaac threw up twice while I was gone, so between the cleaning up of that mess and the creation of several others, the house I came home to did not resemble the one I left.

Sunday, I had a meeting and was gone one hour. ONE HOUR! When I came home, every person in our family was in the computer room. All appeared to be having a fine time doing whatever it was they were doing. A short while later, I noticed a miniature marshmallow had been torn apart to create optimal stickyness and smashed into the carpet just under the computer desk. I noticed it when my bare foot stuck to that particular spot of carpet.

Now, our carpet is nothing special. While many of our friends in the area request "shoes off" when inviting us into their homes, I usually request of our house guests "shoes on for your safety and protection." The only source of comfort I have about our stained and worn carpet is that it's not as bad as the family I knew growing up who had not only worn a hole right through their carpet and pad, but had gone on to wear a hole right through the floor boards so you could see down into the crawl space under the house. (You have to take your comfort where you can get it.)

So our carpet has seen better days and with 3 boys who think nothing of tromping through the house in muddy shoes, or spilling, drawing or even throwing up on the carpet, we are in no hurry to spend thousands to give them a clean slate with which to work their special brand of magic.

Back to the marshmallow sticking to my foot...I was irritated. Of all the stained and worn carpet in the house, the section under the desk was a protected haven that was still fairly pleasant. I had a few questions:

1. What were the kids doing snacking on mini marshmallows when I made sure they were well fed and snacked up before I left?

2. Why were they eating in the computer room when the house rule is "eat in the kitchen only?"

3. How could the other adult (I won't mention him by name) be literally feet away from these kids and a) let them snack on mini marshmallows, b) let them eat them in a non-kitchen area, and c) let them grind one into the carpet?

Personally, I was at a loss on how to remedy the situation. Not that I care about one more stain on the carpet. I'm beyond caring about that. My concern was that my foot would have to be subject to the unpleasant stickyness every time I sat at the computer. The only way I could think to remedy the sticky mess was to stick something over the top of it, like a piece of paper, a small swatch of fabric, or 1,200 square feet of brand new carpet.

I stewed for about 2 hours on Sunday afternoon. I won't tell you all the thoughts that went through my head because I really don't want to paint that un-named other adult in a negative light. After all, he was on-call and thoroughly engrossed in looking for microscopic pieces of dust on silicon wafers. I stewed and stewed until I thought that google might be able to point me to a solution that would not include a blow torch or hydrochloric acid.

My Google search paid off and I found the following: Since marshmallows are water soluble, simply set a damp towel over the marshmallowed area for a while and the sugar in the marshmallow will dissolve. It said to treat the area with your favorite carpet cleaning method and in my case, my favorite method is dimming the lights so no one can see the stains. So, the lights are low and the carpet is not sticky.

You should see how great the carpet looks with the lights low AND my glasses off.

You're Welcome!

Saturday I made my all time favorite sandwich. I guess I should disclose that I only have about 5 sandwiches in my repertoire and 2 of them are pb&j and grilled cheese. (The third is grilled cheese with ham.) Given that information, you may find it surprising that I know how to make this sandwich at all.

I found the recipe for this sandwich in a cookbook we received as a wedding present. Picture me as a newlywed, with only one (maybe two) lunches to make on a Saturday afternoon. No one is chanting "I'm hungry" while clinging to my leg, so I am not rushed and can spend more than 90 seconds throwing together a grown-up sort of sandwich. These are the circumstances in which I discovered this delicious lunch-time meal.

I know you will thank me when I tell you how to make my delicious sandwich, thus, the title of my blog, "You're Welcome." And here is the recipe:

Baked Ham and Brie Sandwich with Honey Mustard

2 slices of wheat bread
honey mustard
1 small apple (actually, you only need about a quarter of the apple)
lemon juice
cinnamon/sugar mixture
lettuce leaves (I use red leaf)
2-3 slices of deli ham
sliced Brie

Thinly slice apple and toss in a bowl with a few teaspoons of lemon juice. Sprinkle apples with cinnamon/sugar mix. Spread each slice of bread with honey mustard. Top one slice of bread with lettuce, ham, brie slices and apple slices. Top with another piece of lettuce and the second slice of bread. Slice diagonally into triangles if it's a rainy day or lengthwise into rectangles if it's a sunny day.

This sandwich is best enjoyed in solitude, or with another grown-up. If kids enter the room while you are eating and shout, "What is that? I want a bite, give me a bite! Yuck, I don't like that, what is that, it's yucky, Mom can you get me a glass of milk, I want a snack, I'm still hungry, get me something to eat," quickly take your sandwich, run to your bedroom, lock the door and listen to some relaxing music on your iPod at high volume while you eat in peace.

You're welcome!

Typical Childhood Photo-Op

The kids had a day off from school today so I decided to take them to Lakeview Farms pumpkin patch in North Plains, Oregon. I don't really care about the pumpkins...I can get them much cheaper at Winco, or even free at Portland Community College's upcoming Fall Festival. The real reason that I or anyone goes to the pumpkin patch (in my humble opinion) is to get cute fall pictures of their kids.

We paid $12 to get 4 of us in the pumpkin patch. This gets us one ride on the paddle boat across the lake and one train ride back to the main area. Also, each ticket is good for $1 off any pumpkin we decide to buy. We ended up spending $4.25 on 3 small pumpkins.

When Ethan was a little kid, this same pumpkin patch didn't charge anything to enter. The boat and train rides were free and only the pumpkins cost money. A few years after that, they charged $2 a person to come into the pumpkin patch but that money was refunded when you purchased a pumpkin.

So, I hope you enjoy some of the pictures I got for $16.25. The kids had a good time and I think it was a little better than staying home and watching TV, which I probably would have caved in and let them do.

And If You Don't Have a Y Chromosome....

From Amazon:

THE DARING BOOK FOR GIRLS is the manual for everything that girls need to know –– and that doesn't mean sewing buttonholes! Whether it's female heroes in history, secret note–passing skills, science projects, friendship bracelets, double dutch, cats cradle, the perfect cartwheel or the eternal mystery of what boys are thinking, this book has it all. But it's not just a guide to giggling at sleepovers –– although that's included, of course! Whether readers consider themselves tomboys, girly–girls, or a little bit of both, this book is every girl's invitation to adventure.


Also from Amazon:

How to do almost anything in one handy little book! Want to be known for your unique style? Inside you'll learn how to design your own clothes (p. 35), do the perfect manicure (p. 82), or make your own lip gloss (p. 11). Feel like impressing your friends? Show them how you can make a crystal (p. 16), juggle one-handed (p. 33), or deal with a bully (p. 42). Bored and need something to do? Not anymore when you find out how to keep a secret diary (p. 88), make a scrapbook (p. 9), or put together a dance routine (p. 24). And tons of other neat-o things you need to know how to do!

Let me get this straight: Girls have all the American Girl publications, Nancy Drew books, any book written by Meg Cabot and a thousand other feel good, you can do it, money/period/hairstyle/crush-surviving guidebooks? The market is saturated with stuff for girls.

On the other hand, anything that would interest boys inevitably has to be shared by girls too. Just because boys don't like to read doesn't mean publishers should forget about them. That is part of what makes "The Dangerous Book for Boys" so appealing. No one is going to ban girls from opening it's pages, but this is one book that is most definitely 100% for boys.

So, if little girls really feel they need another book to tell them how to weave the perfect friendship bracelet and how to paint the perfect manicure, if they can't live with out a giggle-guide for sleep overs, then please help yourself to yet another book designed specifically for girls. But, with the abundance of titles girls have to choose from, couldn't we let the boys have their "Dangerous" book without having publishers trying to grab a piece of the action?

Ok, I know, it's just a book. I'll go have a cookie and take some deep breaths. I'll be ok.

The Dangerous Book for Parents

Have you seen this book? "The Dangerous Book For Boys" is the best-selling book created by two brothers who felt the over-protective "rules and safety" environment we were creating for our children (more specifically, our boys) was doing them no favors. Inspired by the idea that boys need to test their limits and occasionally fall off things, this book contains plenty of vital information all boys need to know.

There is a section on how to tie knots and what each knot is used for. There are directions for how to build a tree house and a go cart. The Seven Wonders of the Ancient World are described, with color pictures. The book even has poetry every boy should know, including "If" by Rudyard Kipling (my personal favorite.)

Ethan was immediately drawn, however, to the section describing the rules of poker. After reading through the material several times, Ethan announced he wanted to play poker. To be fair, the authors do a great job of helping the reader understand the risk of playing poker. I believe their suggestion had to do with finding a good charity to donate to if you felt you had a bunch of money you didn't need.

Ethan was insistent that we play poker, so Sunday after noon, we played poker. Ethan loved it. When Ethan suggested we play poker for Family Home Evening on Monday night, Robert and I felt Ethan needed a little more education on poker.

"Poker is a game of chance, like playing the lottery or gambling," I told Ethan. "You really shouldn't ever play for money."

"Isn't Bunco gambling?" Ethan quickly shot back.

I was a little flustered. "Well, uh, that's different, because, uh....tell him why it's different Robert."

I swear Robert had a smug little look on his face. He was no help.

"It's like I'm paying for dinner, kind of," I offered Ethan, "with gifts...that are sometimes great and sometimes less great."

Ethan lost interest in my Bunco rationalization and turned his attention to Robert. "What about mutual funds?" (Mutual Funds!!! Where in the world did he learn about mutual funds? He's only 9...I don't think I knew about mutual funds until I was in my 20's.)

Now it was Robert's turn to think quickly as he tried to justify, I mean explain, the difference between investing and gambling.

Anyway, "Dangerous Book for Boys," thanks a lot. It would have been slightly easier if Ethan ripped his pants learning how to climb a fence or skinned his knee jumping out of a tree.

Another Recall: Hooray!

A few weeks ago we received our replacement Skarloey in the mail. Skarloey was one of the casualties of the Thomas the Tank Engine product recall. Luckily, Skarloey was the only toy we own, so far, that has been recalled. However, with the almost daily announcements of more recalled toys and other products that contain lead paint, it's a wonder more of us aren't coming down with lead poisoning.

I'm just waiting for the announcement that lead fishing weights have been recalled because of excessive amounts of lead. What about those lead bibs they have you wear when you get x-rays taken? I would think that would have an excessive amount of lead, but it's probably safe as long as I don't chew on it. (That's probably why the dentist puts those annoying cardboard-y things in my mouth, right?)

Well, here is the latest product to be recalled due to excessive lead content. It's a Boy Scout badge that Ethan happens to have. I'm actually thrilled that this thing has been recalled because about 2 hours after he received the badge and put it on his uniform, the beads had come off and were being used as projectiles.

I gathered up the beads as best I could and put them in a little zip lock bag with the idea that I would most definitely reattach them to the badge very, very soon. It's been over a year and the thought of just throwing them away and ripping that remaining badge part from Ethan's uniform is bringing me a strange amount of joy.

Costume Crisis

October 31st is nearing and I don’t want to make Halloween costumes for my kids. This wouldn’t normally be a problem, but I also don’t want to buy Halloween costumes for my kids.

3 years ago, I purchased a Darth Vader costume for Ethan for $60. This did not include the light saber or the black gauntlets, (which, I later learned, was a fancy way of saying “gloves”) and had to be purchased separately. My rational for buying such an expensive costume was that it would be worn by 3 boys over the coming years and in effect “pay for itself” as they say.

Without going into too much detail, let me just say that the $60 Darth Vader costume would have caused the Sith Lord himself to administer that creepy phantom choke maneuver on whoever designed it. It began to fall apart after only one night of tricks and treats. Ethan wore it again last year, sans helmet, which never fit correctly anyway, and it took even more of a beating.

Unless Jonah or Isaac is interested in going trick or treating as the Darth Vader who was all ratty and falling apart after Darth Sidious nearly killed him when it became clear Vader would not kill Luke, then I think our Darth Vader costume needs to be retired.

Last year Jonah and Isaac dressed up as matching pirates in costumes made by me. I spent about $60 on both of them and even though the shirts are a little funky in the collar area, they are vastly superior to the overpriced costumes you can buy in the store.

I would make creative costumes this year for all my boys, but 3 things stand in my way:

1. Two of the boys change their minds almost hourly on what they want to dress up as for Halloween.

2. One of the boys wants to be a character from a fairly obscure sci-fi show that almost no one has ever heard of: Apophis, a Goa'uld based on the god Apep of Egyptian mythology.

3. I don’t want to sew any Halloween costumes (as mentioned above.)

Yesterday I asked Isaac and Jonah if they would like to go as pirates again this year. I told them we could change up the costumes a bit by drawing fake scars on their faces and adding an eye patch. They were thrilled and quickly agreed.

Today, thoughts of being a pirate were abandoned when “The Ultimate Halloween Catalog” from Party City came in the mail. It has pictures of hundreds of Halloween costumes and all three boys couldn’t take their eyes off it. All quickly determined which costumes I would be buying them (in their dreams) and none of the costume selections included “Doctor Without Borders Doctor,” “Nobel Prize Winning Scientist,” or even “Future Tycoon.”

No, my boys wanted to be Zombie Doctor, Ghoul with Light-up Eyes, and Bleeding Chest Skeleton. Lovely.

It doesn’t really matter because I’m not buying any of those overpriced, poorly constructed costumes.

If I had to choose one part of “The Ultimate Halloween Catalog” that disturbed me most ( and there were more than a few things to be disturbed about (i.e. sexy costumes for pre-teen girls)), it would be the youth sized costumes of Freddy Kruger (Nightmare on Elm Street), Jason (Friday the 13th) and Michael Myers (Halloween). It makes me sad to think that an 8-10 year old would actually know who these characters were and want to be one of them for Halloween.